Four years ago when
I was a junior in an Academy, I had a dream-a frightening dream. Even
now when I remember it, I pray that it never becomes a reality for
me-or for you. Growing up I wanted to serve God and know Him better.
But I'd often put it off. I'd sincerely tell myself, I'll spend time
with God later. But the time I planned to spend with God always
seemed to get choked out of my schedule. God want to get through to
me. I think He wanted me to know that my busy schedule would
eventually lead to spiritual death. So I believe that God gave me the
dream. Looking back now, it was a blessing in disguise. It stopped me
from taking God for granted and from wasting more time before getting
to know Him.
One night I dreamed
that God's probation had closed-He'd finished deciding who was going
to heave and who wasn't-and I knew that I wasn't. I had no hope and
no home. I just had a terrible sense of being lost. The time in my
dream seemed about a month and a half. I remember dismal clouds and
an unnatural darkness contributing to my feelings of despair. Unlike
the days before probation closed, life was bleak and sad. I went here
and there carrying an intense feeling of being lost-never having a
place to go, never having a reason to stay. But just wandering. I
remember the wrecked cities I wandered around in and awful conditions
in which people lived. Nobody ever bothered me. A loner, I kept to
myself.
I went from place
to place to try and find enough food. But worse than my intense
hunger and raging thirst was the spiritual anguish of the absence of
Christ in my soul. So many times I longed and cried for the peace and
Jesus had once offered me. Many times I thought, If only I had
spent time walking with Jesus, I would not be in so much pain. I
remember looking up into the dark and flashing sky and pleading with
God, “You can do all things; please rewind time and give me one
more chance.” Other times I would pour my heart to God and cry:
“Let is be a dream! Please Lord! I'll serve you forever! Save me,
Lord!”
But
probation had closed. My chances with God were over, and no amount of
asking would change that. I definitely wasn't the only person in
despair. I often saw people weeping uncontrollably in the streets.
Age and position made no difference. Rulers and powerful people tried
to sound hopeful, but their words were empty promises. The world
seemed to be in continual chaos. Constant violence resulted from
starving people in pursuit of food and water. I had vague
information and that not everyone was in despair. There were people
who had food and water-whom the world viciously hated. They also had
heavenly peace that the rest of us would have given anything for.
Near
the end of my dream my prevailing though If only I had just
one hour with God and His word. Near
the end, I wished that my heart would stop beating so my soul would
stop torturing me with the knowledge of my being lost forever. At the
end of my dream, I knew that Christ's coming could only be days
away.
I
also remember hoping that the rock would fall on me and shield me
from His soon approaching glory. I greatly feared Him. In my dream
each night, I would go to sleep hoping that I was only dreaming. But
I always woke up thinking, No, not another day! Will I ever
escape?! No. I'll never feel the warm spirit of Christ comfort my
lost soul. When I was rich in time and cold have chosen Christ daily,
I didn't.
And
even though I slept in ruined cities and among violent people, I
didn't notice what was going on around me because of so much torment
going on inside me. The last part of my dream was hazy and vague, as
if I was delirious. I remember hoping for one last chance with Jesus
which I knew would not come true. As my dream ended, the world's
chaos and people's despair contrasted with the joy of those who were
looking for Jesus.
Then
suddenly I woke up. The sun was shinning outside my bedroom window,
and the birds were singing praises to the God who made them. I
realized I was in my own bed, and I cannot describe the relief that I
felt at that moment. I felt as though God shocked me out of my
spiritual slumber. I still had a chance to invite Him into my heart!
I could not convey the depth of the despair I felt in my dream. In
the same way, after it I could not convey the depth of my joy and
relief! I realized I was rich in time. I could ask Jesus to come into
my heart as any time I wanted! And I would make it a priority to ask
Jesus into my heart every single day. That alone is a precious gift I
treasure. I then decided to make my spiritual life a priority.
I've
been feeling impressed to put my shock therapy experience down on
paper. After my dream my priority has been to get to know Jesus. I
can tell you this. There is no way to compare the peace I have now
with the chaos I experienced in my dream. I feel love, hope, and the
warm feeling of the Holy Spirit surrounding me as as my friendship
with Jesus grows. Choosing Jesus has given me a new outlook on life.
He is a wonderful Savior! At some time all men and all angels will
bow their knee to Christ and say, “Just and true are your ways, Oh
King of Saints. And all will know that Jesus rulz!
By
Brent Stone
Posted
with permission of Insight Magazine. July 26, 2003
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